Money and Finances

"The Answers to Life's top 100 questions, 99 of them is Money"--Unknown

As a child I could hear my parents from my bedroom talk about business.  You see, my parents owned a small business,  a Country Store in our small community.  My mom was the bookkeeper and my dad the spender and front man.  Really, my mom did that too, be visible, be a marketer.  From my bedroom I could hear them stir their coffee, put their spoons down and start talking about the business.  It was always about money.  That is no surprise if you are small business owner.  I remember my mom not liking my dad's spendy ways, thinking it was too risky. Two different approaches, both valid, especially in a business, to expand is to spend, take risks, and  be wise, wait, don't spend for a time. 

My personal attitude toward money has always been fairly causal.  I spend but not much.  I don't make much either but never the great planner.  My motto, "you always can make more money, but you can't make more time" sums up my values.  I think that value made feel a bit above 'economic concerns" either in a macro-large/nationwide sense and in a micro-small/individual sense.  Open handed with money yet being rich would be nice, wouldn't it?

When I got married the first time around, this casual attitude was not helpful.  I needed to be more conversational about money, a budget, and the "where are we going" sorta goal setter.  I was not.  I was not the primary provider either for 6 of the 9 years.  Oh, I worked and made money but not the sort of one income money.  I would say looking back, that didn't help me speak up on the subject or move me from casual to a planner.  We needed a plan.  We needed to talk about it.  I needed to take money way more seriously than I did.  But I didn't.  It was not THE reason of then end of that marriage, but it was a contributor.

Now that I am married again, I am much more engaged with our budget.  I always know how much we have in our checking account.  I have goals.  We have goals.  We talk about finances often, have read a book or two.  We make most of our mutual decisions regarding money.  What I mean is that if we are purchasing something whether it is clothes for our 2 year old or going out to eat, or plants for the garden, we let each other know.  It is no big deal but a great habit to get into as a couple.  No entitlement(I owe it to myself), no hidden purchases, and almost always "sure, go for it" is the response because we are not big spenders. 

Money becomes the focus of the relationship when bills aren't being paid, spending is out of control, when one person makes financial choices out of fear, or when the the other person makes financial choices to make themselves feel better(shopping as a cure!).  Money can also become the focus when nobody talks about it.  It's funny that finances can really damage a relationship when nobody talks about it, but when you make it part of your regular conversation it doesn't. 

Money and finances are very much a part of life.  If there was a conversation to have, it is that one.  Get on the same page or at least agree on some key issues.  Have a plan, have goals, be transparent with your spending, you will be glad you did.

Shawn