About Attraction

A warning sign, It came back to haunt me, and I realised, That you were an island and I passed you by, And you were an island to discover--From the Song "Warning Sign" by Coldplay

I guess it depends upon who you are.  Attraction, I would say is in the eye of the beholder.  We all want that spark, chemistry, or magic to sweep us off our feet when we meet someone for the first time or go on that first date.  For some it is one thing, for others it's another.  For everyone though, we need to 'feel' something about someone.  It's hard to describe, a vibe, an energy that hits you.  The problem is that this feeling/vibe can be terribly misleading. 

You can experience this 'attraction' with many.  What I mean is that even in a short interchange you can feel something about another person.  Was it real?   To a point.  Was it special?  Only in that it happened and doesn't happen all the time. The trouble is that we attach too much meaning and hope to something so surfacy, fleeting and potentially harmful.  How can it be harmful?  When you pursue more contact with this person,(you know nothing about them) in order to get that "feeling".  You may even start a relationship with this person because of the feeling you get.  Not a great idea.

There is attraction because of how you feel and there is attraction when you get to know someone better over time.  The difference is character, admirable qualities, how they act, how they treat you, things like that.  They always leave you and you are still interested, you want to know more, like an island that needs to be explored.  The more you see, the more you like it.
You see, one is a snap shot the other is a painting.  Depth, longevity and discovery is what's in store for you, not a quickie.  You are in, you are out.  Like the 1st Desert Storm!

I have been totally enamoured with the quick vibe attraction only to find not much else there.  When I have allowed my feelings to subside, then I could see then I could feel appropriately.  I ran into this a few years back when I was single.  I got reacquainted with this gal from my old church.  I knew her as an engaged person.  This time she was single with kids but she just mesmerized me.  I was blown away by the vibe I felt when I was around her.  Her energy, her sparkly eyes, the way she talked, she was overwhelmingly attractive to me.  I said to myself after our chat, 'Wow!, I am sooo into her!'  I called friends to tell them that I met someone that was truly exciting and I was hopeful.  I was lost in infatuation, I couldn't see.  After a few more contacts(we were 3 hours away from each other) I was sensing this was going nowhere and she was acting strange.  It turned out to be nothing.  That is what I mean, attraction is just that and you can't build a relationship off of it.  It doesn't matter how strong the feeling is, time will tell and most likely it will not pan out. 

I would rather meet someone interesting but not overly so, get to know them and then start the 'good vibrations' of time spent with them.  It makes more sense, and it allows you to discover what's there.  Like an island or a painting, not a snap shot. 

Shawn