Good conversations seem to be hard to come by these days. Sure, conversations with friends and people you spend time with(acquaintances, usually co-workers) happen. And they are usually good. What I mean by good is that the conversation is not one-way or one person going on, and on about themselves. There is some give and take, back and forth, an exchange of ideas and thoughts.
I believe that if a person is interested at all in you they will find a way to ask some questions. Now I am saying this for those who are unattached. Asking questions, good questions is a way of saying "I find you interesting and I want to know more". The difference between asking questions and asking good questions is huge. Anybody can ask a set of the usual questions, 'what do you do for a living?', 'what part of Portland do you live?', 'where did you grow up?', etc...basic info questions. They are necessary openers but to ask good questions is to listen to the answers to even basic questions and ask about items in the answers. It shows that you are listening to them. Another more risky route is to ask feelings questions or opinion questions. These are harder to gauge when to ask, but if a person is really opening up and getting passionate about something that they are talking about, a feelings question would really work.
If you are currently in an established relationship or married, some of the best types of questions to ask are clarifying questions. "When you said _____ what does that mean? or Could you explain more of what you meant by ________?" They are the best because you are seeking to understand what they are saying. Like I have said before, familiar words and phrases that we use can have different meanings/feelings attached to them for each individual.
So it important to be sure of what the other person is saying before we either believe it, react to it, get mad, or be hurt by it or even before we understand them at all. Also, if you find you are the only one asking questions in the relationship, you may want find out why.
Another type of couple's questions are the scary questions. The questions you are afraid to ask because you might not like the answers. "Why didn't you call?", "Where do you see this relationship going in a year?" "Are you interested in having children?", "When do you foresee us starting a family?" "When can we talk about our budget?", "How are you feeling about us?", "What can I do to make this up to you?" and the "We need to talk about our relationship"(which isn't a question but fits). Asking these type of questions are critical to understanding, confrontation, expectation adjustment(maybe), working together, and deciding if your relationship is about to end(for non-married), needs to end(for non-married) or if your marriage/relationship needs some serious attention.
Asking people questions, whether you are meeting them, or are married to them, lets them know you are interested in them. It's hard to talk to anyone without some sort of question as a starter. Unless you are a guy and you just talk at each other and tell stories of what you do, and did. Another tip, if you are the only one asking questions, you need to stop to allow the other person the opportunity to ask. If they don't, then you know what you've got, a person who liked talking about themselves but not that interested in you or what you have to say.
Shawn
I am Relationship Coach, which means I can help you in your relationship or help you find a relationship. Contact me at shawn@coachingthrough.com
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