Change, the Good Kind

"I never realized what an attractive man he is. Oh, he's a real looker, that one." - Kramer, talking about George, who is now wearing a toupee, in "The Beard"

It's about time for the type of change that is good, or shall I say great.  Definitely greater than George Constanza in a toupee!  Again, not everyone like change or has a certain fear element to change.  I was talking to a friend who was about to be married in a month and I said to him, "your whole life is going to change, the life you once lived is gone", he gave me a somewhat terrified look.  Getting married, going from single to coupled, from little commitment to total commitment is a huge change and transition.  For some, the idea of that commitment is so terrifying and others can't wait.  Either way, every person who gets married encounters change on a scale way beyond their ability to comprehend.  It is the nature of marriage.

I totally believe that the process of making two into one is one of mankind's greatest endeavors.
It is a challenge to work together, to communicate to one another effectively, to support each other when one of you is down, or go through hard times together.  All of that is way better than doing life alone.  Sure you could live together but there is something missing from that situation.  When your money is their money, when your stuff is their stuff, when the bills and expenses are both of yours, when their family is your family, and yours is theirs, that is all in.  Being all in is the best way to go. 

Marriage teaches me that my way of thinking and doing things and how I see the world is incomplete.  Sure, being married doesn't "complete me" but it gets me a whole lot closer to being a whole person than as a single.  I know that may offend people but it is true.  Anytime that I can think outside myself, is a good thing.  One of the problems of being single is that it is so easy to get stuck in our 'own worlds', our truth, our opinions, our comfort, our limited view.  Marriage is beautiful because it usually forces me to be better.  It makes me consider another person, which makes me a better person by not being so stuck in...me. 

I have been single twice.  It has many advantages. But, I know I am happier being married.  I have thought that if I was rich like winning the lottery and I could choose where to live, what I would do or not do, work or not work, play, travel, etc...as a single person, on paper it seems attractive to have that freedom.  But it is not really freedom, it is empty.  There is not one thing I could put into my life that would be as fulfilling as sharing life intimately(not just sex) with another person for as long as I live.  How many football games could I watch eating pizza and drinking Mt. Dew would it take to be satisfying?  How much time spent playing computer strategy games or video sport games would it take to be satisfying?  How many times down Mt. Bachelor would it take to feel like I do today?  You see, none of those things can make me feel like I do today or tomorrow, or the next day.

I would much rather share my time, my money, my energy, my life with my wife than having the freedom to do what I want when I want how I want.  I have lived both, and I chose and will continue to choose my marriage.  Everything else is empty and pointless.

Shawn