More is Less and Less can be More

'A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else.'
 --Bette Davis

There are seasons in a person's life where the demands placed upon them consume them.  New job, developing a career, personal illness/injury, death of a loved one, preparations for a wedding, a newborn child, etc...the stuff of life, normal things that could happen to anyone.  There are those things that we choose, events, travel, house remodels, relocating etc... again, normal occurrences.  Seasons of life, like the seasons on a calendar pass because they are temporary.  Unlike a calendar, some seasons last longer than others or require more of us than expected.  But again, they pass. It is when we are consumed by the things of life for extended time(years), they become a lifestyle, a pattern, the way we live that can cause us trouble. 

The trouble I speak of is the expense of being too caught up in things that our relationships suffer.  "Caught up" means absorbed, overwhelmed, consumed, you pick the word you like.  It is that thing outside of your relationship that is driving you, your time, your physical and emotional engergy into the ground.  Distraction is a good word for it too.  There are many important priorities in life, but there is a difference between 'a priority' and 'The priority'. 

The greatest distraction that I can think of is work related.  Career development is hard.  Takes time, training and opportunity.  Finding gainful employment when you have no job these days is hard too.  Nothing puts a strain on an individual much less relationships than being out of work.  Starting, finishing, focusing your education is another one that can be all consuming.  Many times, those closest to us have to be put on hold while we deal.  That happens.  The question is for how long?  Or for how often? 

Then there is the word 'more'.  The word more fits our American lifestyle.  More entertainment, more food, more vacation, more shopping, more reality tv, more technology, more money...more is always better, less is bad(unless it is losing weight).  "More" is an easy trap to fall into, especially when it is career/job/education driven to get more.  Work is the vehicle to more.  We will ride that one into the ground to get whatever we think more is.  We will risk, and spend(you gotta spend money to make money).  It is a trap because we are fooled into thinking that it is best.  A trap because we believe those who we are closest to will appreciate our hard work, our sacrifice to give them things and experiences.  Or in our mind...security. 

I ask, 'but at what cost?' because making sacrifices by definition of the word, sacrifice, you have to give up something else to do that which you think is vital.  Time with loved ones is often the sacrifice.  Or time to be intentional because intentional relationships take more time than relationship maintence.  Intentional relationships try to accomplish something for example...finding a relationship(that leads to marriage), developing your marriage, developing your marriage and being a parent(training and loving your children).  People need more people time, face to face, not via text or skype or the like.  Cramming more work, events, experiences into the calendar doesn't accomplish much, just shared experiences.  Which is exhausting and no one is really happy.  Like hamsters on a wheel. 

If would like some help in this area of assessing your lifestyle, I can help.  Contact me,
Shawn@coachingthrough.com, I know I can help!