The Value of Time, Part 3

"time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future"-From 'Fly Like An Eagle' by the Steve Miller Band

In this my third installment of time and what it means to a relationship, I would like to touch on 'time management'.  How we use our time is one of those value match situations.  What I mean is either we are in relationship with someone who uses time pretty much like we do or we are in relationship with someone whose use of time is different but there is respect and flexibility on both sides.  There tends to be two extremes of time usage to look out for.  The over scheduled person and the person who does not seem to do anything. 

The over scheduled person tends to fill all their time with anything, projects, social activities, work, travel, family etc...They have trouble saying no to things, and would rather fill their time up.  There can be good reasons and bad reasons for this.  Good reasons would be that sometimes life demands more of our time...for a season, not always.  If your lifestyle is running to one thing and then to the other all the time, then you have too much going on.  In a relationship, most likely you are trying to get your partner motivated to do all the stuff.   Sure at first they may be cheerful about it, but if they see their time differently, eventually they will grow very tired of this schedule.  An over scheduled life does not allow for time to reflect on the questions 'why am I doing all these things?, where is this relationship going?, is this really that important?'  Over scheduling is a roadblock to focus which makes creating a vision of what life with another could be.  It is just one event after another, and where did time go?

The person who doesn't do anything has a wide open schedule but sees commitments of any kind a bit draining.  They could have two events all week(outside of work), and feel overwhelmed time-wise.  This person thinks they need lots of 'down time'.  They have much less motivation to maintain multiple relationships, or multiple events but when in relationship, would rather spend their time with their relationship partner.  Their vision of a long term relationship does not include a lot of adventure nor time spent outside the home.   

Either way, misinterpretation of time spent, too clingy(not busy person) or not interested enough(busy person) can wreck a relationship.  Respecting each other's time needs, needs for social interaction, or needs for down time is most important.  Trying to change the other person is not respect.  Respect has to do with acceptance and understanding.  Sure, both parties need to be flexible, more events for one and less events for another.  If you can't do that, then this relationship doesn't have much long term potential.  If you are already married, then you need to develop an agreed upon vision for your family and relationship.

If you would like to talk more time management within your relationship...talk to me, Shawn, a Relationship Coach at coachingthrough.com