“Time, it has been proposed, is the fourth dimension. And yet, for mortal man, time has no dimension at all. We are like horses with blinders, seeing only what lies before us, forever guessing the future and fabricating the past.” --Andrew Jack from the Movie "Kate & Leopold"
Time is a big deal to me. Call it an anxious heart, or youngest child syndrome or just impatient, but I like to think I am very aware of time. I value it above all and yet I have tremendous skill at wasting it. In fact, I find that I can be quite satisfied doing nothing at all. All that being said, we all bring differing views to how to spend time, awareness of time and managing(or being managed by) time.
Our personal style of spending time can create a lot of conflict in a relationship. It is a value thing. We all can jump to a ton of conclusions about a person(judgement) by what they do with the time they have. It's about one of those words with multiple meanings...productivity. What is productive and what is not? That is a loaded question(s). Are you trying to get to know someone, then ask them that question. Or ask them to breakdown their schedule for you. It will say a lot about their value of time. Or shall I say, time as a value to them.
Productivity has many definitions, no really it does. Why? How is that possible? Because for one person being productive is having time to "relax" which for another person being productive is doing a lot of stuff all day. Do you see the difference? Maybe you can't see the words productive and relax associated with each other. That is the thing right there. How time is spent is subjective to the individual. Again, when someone says "productive" it can mean something way different than what you thought unless....you ask them what they mean(communication).
Another word that is closely associated with our individual concept of "spending time" is expectation. This is applied when one person "measures" the level of stuff that did or didn't get done during a given day or time period. Expectation, unless it is tied to a clear cut list of things agreed upon to be done during a communicated time period, will produce conflict. Now you have put yourself in the position of time police. Whether you are in a new relationship or are married, you want to avoid being time cop. Sure, accountability is important to build trust but unless you both have a complete understanding of what the other's expectations are for that day or time period, then you are creating conflict or resentment.
Spending time has so much more attached to it than we think. As individuals we get so locked into our view of time and the ideas of productivity/expectations that we don't slow down enough to make sure that we understand our relationship partner. If you feel like you need help with this, why not consider talking to Shawn, check out his website www.coachingthrough.com
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