Blinded by Love or Blinded by Something Else

"Love may be blind, but it can sure find its way around in the dark!"--Unknown Source

That decision to commit your heart to someone or that moment when you say to yourself, "I think I am falling in Love with this person" either one brings such a flood of feelings and thoughts that at once is the most pleasant and exciting thing to ever to have happened to you.  I will not go on to define or try to capture with my limited vocabulary the essence of love between two people.  I will speak of an aspect of "falling" or choosing love.  There comes with it more than feelings and hope but a certain curious element of blindness. 

Maybe it is because you are just supposed to not over think it.  Someone once told me to just "be", whatever that meant.  Maybe it meant that we are not supposed to think.  Just drink it in, let your feelings be your guide or something.  I wished I would been more a thinker than "feeler" the first time around.  I met and married the first person I fell in love with because, well, aren't you supposed to marry the person you love?  That was the extent of my thinking through the relationship.  I say to anyone, that is not enough. 

Is it because that marriage and relationship ended that I feel this way?  Yes.  Because that relationship ended without me asking myself or the other person questions.  Or worse, not bringing people into the conversation about the relationship.  I needed perspective and maybe someone gave me some and I didn't listen.(I wish I had a nickle ok a dollar for every person I've tried talking to about perspective when they were in love)   There was this key element lacking in me, in my character, at that time it was openness.  Open to really hearing what others were saying, open to asking people who I respected questions about love, marriage and relationships.  I came from a divorced home, what did I know about the keys to a successful marriage? 

I totally thought everything was going to be great but I did not know how I knew.  I remember the week before I got married(the first time) and this guy offers me some marriage advice...'marriage is like driving a car 110 miles per hour in the fog, you don't know something is wrong until you hit it'.  At the time, I thought it was funny.  Looking back, he was a freakin' prophet.  That is what happened.  When you hit something, you hit big. 

It always freaks me out when I get the opportunity to speak to people who are in love and/or are planning on getting married, they are so in their own world.  It is like talking to the people who 'drank the Kool-aid', all faraway stares.  I really question the helpfulness of pre-marital counselling at that point.  Do they really want to talk for real?  Or do they just want validation?  Someone I know who was getting married said, "why go do marriage counselling, I already know we are compatible!"  I think they were missing the point.  Either do pre-marriage counselling before engagement or if you are so bold, do some marriage counselling when you are married but with out the crisis.  Our pastor and his wife went to counselling because "they wanted to be married a long time", no crisis, just trying to do marriage well.  Now that is openness! 

So I say be open, and listen, you might not like what you hear, ask questions of yourself and invite some people into the functionality of your relationship.  Or else you will fall victim to the '110mph in a fog' and trust me, you don't want that.

Shawn

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