What Your Kids See, part 1

“The best thing parents can do for their kids is just love each other."--Romy Rosemont, from the Movie "My Life".

I would not say it is the only thing because parenting is hard work.  I would say one of the best things you can do as a parent is to show your kids that you love your spouse.  As our children get older, they see through us better and better.   When they are small, it's what we say that can make a difference.  When they get older, like mid-elementary age, it's what we do.  When they are teens and pre-teens, it's what we say and do.  So it becomes more important over time to grow your marital relationship.

It is rare to see a balanced, affectionate and appropriate loving relationship anywhere these days.  Call me old, but what I see that passes for expression of love between two people continues to push the envelope of what is appropriate.  That is all we see anyway, is the physical expression.  That is what passes for showing love in a relationship, the sexual attraction.  It's what makes 40 to 60 somethings get plastic surgery at an epidemic rate.  It's being sexy and sexy is purely physical whether it is appearance or attitude or activity.  I ask, is this a complete picture of what love is?  Is sexy is that which passes for love?  Are we more concerned about the physical/appearance/performance than say, something loving like, affirmation, respect, mutual submission and team work? 

Sure our children need to see affection displayed appropriately and then explained.  Yes, it seems that every parent hasn't ever effectively explained the sexual relationship.  Often, children don't get either example, affection or loving actions between parents.  You can tell your kids all you want verbally that you love each other.  You can say it in front of them.  Until you practice it, genuinely, spontaneously and with regularity, then how will they know what it looks like?  How are our children to know what love looks like?  When you are married and have kids, there are those times you gotta grind it out, and go through difficulty.  There are plenty of joyless times but if that is all they get or they get a fake relationship, then you are doing plenty of harm.  

I like to say, "you can't give away what you don't have".  You can't show love to your kids if you don't have love in your heart for your spouse.  There could be many reasons for this feeling and no matter the reasons it needs to be resolved.  As a Relationship Coach, I can help...to a point.  If you feel there are deeper issues then marriage counselling is the way to go.  If you have kids, there is more at stake than your relationship with your spouse(which is considerable), much more.  What do your kids see in your relationship with your spouse?  Why not ask them and see what they say.  You might not like what you hear.

Shawn
www.coachingthrough.com
resolved.