"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."-Proverbs 13:12
If I could put myself in a time-machine and go back in time to those decision points regarding committing my heart to a relationship, if I could talk to myself, like meet for coffee and sit down and chat I would tell me to wait. Yes, wait. You see my thing has always been make things happen instead of waiting. Time will always tell. Time will tell you things about yourself, about others because no one can pretend, hide or deny that which is true of themselves for long periods of time. People can tell you all sorts of things but time tells the truth whether we want it to or not.
Why wait? Because over time, patterns develop if you are looking for them. We all have habits, and patterns, in fact, we spend a lot of energy, time and money trying to change certain things. Individuals have patterns of action, values and speech. When seeking a relationship, the allowance of time will help you discern the intentions of another. When in an established relationship, time will allow you to learn about the other person to see if that any true values matches. In a marriage, time together will tell you things about yourself and your spouse through events both good and bad.
That's the thing, time allows for events to take place that put pressure on a relationship or an individuals life that helps to reveal how they handle that pressure/stress. Go through similar situations and you begin to see how you or the other person deals or not deals with when things don't go their way. Time helps clear your vision as to the reality of the situation. Our vision becomes blurred when we are feeling so many different things or if you are conflicted in your feelings.
Values are seen when we allow time to pass so that we or the other person's decisions and time, and/or money usage becomes more apparent. We can all say that something is "no big deal" but when push comes to shove, then we see things in a truer light. How are we to consider if the person we are interested in is a good match if you don't know what they value. Like I said, you can ask questions and listen to the words but too often we read into what is said or only hear what we want to hear. It is actions over time that paint a clearer picture.
Obviously, not everybody is so quick to act or give away their heart. Some use the passage of time to send a subtle message of "I'm not THAT interested". For some couples the passage of time is a game of chicken to see who will commit their hearts first or who will pull the plug on the relationship first. Still for others, the fear of commitment holds off any movement. Either way, whether you are fast or slow to act or commit, time will tell.
Shawn...is a Relationship Coach, consider contacting me for your questions and direction of your relationship issues. 1st session is free. Check out my Website at www.coachingthrough.com
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