Friendship, Part 3

"Having the keys to Jerry's apartment - that kept me in a fantasy world. Every time I went over to his house it was like a vacation: better food, better view, better TV, cleaner, oh, *much* cleaner. That became my reality. I ignored the squalor in my own life because I'm looking at life, you see, through Jerry's eyes. I was living in the twilight, living in the shadows, living in the darkness... like you."

"Me?!"

"Oh, I can barely see you, George."

"Stop it Kramer, you're freakin' me out."

- Kramer and George, in "The Keys"

Too often, our circle of friends can be too comfortable.  Sure, part of friendship is finding things in common, like finding the same things funny, liking similar activities, and seeing the world in a similar light.  The trouble comes when ALL our friends are basically the same.  We all watch the same TV shows, like all the same movies, listen to all the same music, like similar clothing styles, etc...The conversations become the same too as we talk about the same types of things in the usual way.  We can begin to believe that this is all there is because our circle of friends are doing the same thing.

The same holds true with feelings.  If I feel, lets say, angry with my parents for the past, it is real easy to surround myself with people who feel the same way, so that those feelings have no way of really changing, just a bunch of people who are mad at their parents for their poor parenting.  No one really offers a way of healing from that.  Just usually more rationalization and self medication for the pain etc..  I would rather have friends who have experienced a good childhood and a bad childhood.  Why?  Because that is reality.  There are people everywhere who have experienced both.  On the flip side, if all your friends are from "positive childhood" experiences, you may find it hard to understand those that didn't have very positive childhoods and their feelings.  You see, empathy for those that are different grows.

What about ideas?  How we see the world, you know...reality... is hard to see if we surround ourselves with people who see the world the same.  Sometimes we do this to trick ourselves into thinking we are right.  Sometimes we do this to trick ourselves into thinking that our "lifestyle" is normal and healthy.  If we can find enough people who think the same way then that makes us feel better and reinforces our belief system.  It pretty much has nothing to do with reality, only to reinforce the reality we choose.  That is of course if you believe there is a knowable reality, and not just one of your own making. 

We all need friends.  We all need some commonality.  We also need some differences too.  Don't surround yourself with...yourself.  Let others challenge your view of the world.

Shawn