"Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.”--Clive Owen from the Movie "The International"
Trusting our feelings, intuition, or our gut can either saves us grief or bring us grief. Like the quote refers to, we can cross bridges we shouldn't and burn the wrong bridges. It's the deciding of which is which that causes us problems. Our approach is either too rational(no feelings/heart) or too emotional(not rational). As we apply this to starting relationships, continuing a relationship or when to get out of a relationship things get pretty confusing. Let's tackle starting a relationship and how or when or if to trust your feelings.
The beginning to most relationships are exciting. That's the problem. The excitement and anticipation and expectation throws us off of thinking too much. It is such a rush of feelings when someone responds to our "interest". Depending upon where you have been, No relationships, Divorced, recent break up of a long term relationship, or a little too anxious to be married, these factors amplify our feelings and make everything feel right. We look at the start of a potential relationship with tainted vision. All we see is good. All we see is fun. If we do see issues, we can turn that into either pure blindness or turn it into minimizing(it's not important). For those of us who are more trust our feelings types, or listen to our feelings, the timing a relationship is almost always now because of how we feel. "Taking it Slow" does not fit with our feelings orientation because slowing down means one of two things...1. The Relationship might not happen(that does not feel good). 2. My feelings will change(probably because I see more issues here). So 'Trusting' is really 'living off of'. Trust isn't the issue, it is wanting something too much to listen to anyone or anything else.
The flip side of the start of a relationship is the "it's too good to be true" camp. The people who refuse to trust their feelings because...well they don't trust them. There are two reasons for this "feeling". The first is that this person probably at some point in the past trusted their feelings only to get deeply hurt. Maybe it took a few times, but now they are skeptics and cynical of others. Their previous experience(s) has skewed their view so that they can't see a good thing(relationship) even if it slapped them in the face! They are protecting themselves. Too much.
The other darker side to not trusting your feelings at all is a self-esteem/self-worth problem. It can exist without any previous experience in a relationship. It is an item we call baggage. We don't trust others interest in us because we don't feel like we are worth it. So we apply that which we think about ourselves to those around us. Trying to start a relationship is nearly impossible because this group of people won't let anyone in or won't let themselves think that they are special or wantable(new word I think).
The conflicted, are the people who want relationship but go back and forth between saying yes and no. What you get is the hot/cold treatment while they make up their mind. Sometimes very feeling oriented, other times acting not interested which means they don't trust either aspect of feelings or no feelings. Whether this is you or you are getting this treatment...my advice is don't start the relationship give it more time.
Being careful(not trusting) or being willing(trusting) are not bad. Sometimes we were quite right to be slow to feel excited. Sometimes we were quite right to feel excited about a new person. Reading the situation correctly takes courage and restraint. It just depends on who you are.
Shawn
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