Some Signs of Long Term Potential, Part 3

“There’s what people want to hear, then there’s what people want to believe, there’s everything else, then there’s truth.” --Jame Rebhorn, from the movie 'The International'

In this final installment on "signs of potential", I would like to include one more item.  I have only chosen three, and there are certainly more, but I feel the three I have touched upon are most significant.  As the above quote alludes to, personal perspective, is a significant piece to the relationship puzzle.  Perspective is that understanding of yourself on where you have been and it's affect on you in the present as that relates to your future.  Knowing yourself is really important, so is it for the person you are in relationship with.  Perspective gives you the strength not to be pushed/pulled/used/played and the flexibility to take in criticism/truth/another's perspective on you without shutting down, or shutting them down.  

How aware are you of your personal issues, for example:  what you fear, what motivates you, what makes you insecure, your addictions(we all have an addiction), etc...and how that plays out in how you act?  It takes a life time to discover this stuff.  There needs to be some evidence of understanding, accepting, verbalizing some balance of good and the bad about you.  No one wants to be in a long term relationship with anybody who cannot admit that they are wrong or can't say sorry sincerely, or take responsibility for their own actions.   No one wants to be in a long term relationship with someone who hates themselves, has really poor self-esteem and has no confidence.  We all feel this stuff from time to time but it should not control us for long periods of time.  

How good are you at saying and believing that you do things well or know your gifts/strengths/talents?  I know this sounds too much like a self-esteem exercise but it is more about the bigger picture of perspective on yourself and on the person you are considering for a long term(marriage) relationship.  You don't have to have all the answers but you should have a clue.  You don't need to be the finished product, but you do need some tools to work with to becoming more of a finished product than you were before.  

We need people to help us see.  We are all blind to both the great and the not-so-great within us.  We need each other to safely speak and show us both the good/bad.  Since we need others help, and if you are considering committing to a long term relationship, how are you or your partner going to help you if they don't know themselves.  If you have found someone that possesses balance(I did not say free of issues, no such person exists) of perspective on themselves, don't let them get away!

Now there is something about growing together.  A mutual sharing of faults and admirable traits is already part of a long term relationship.  It is not like you wait around to find someone who is fully aware of themselves but you should look for someone who can see a little bit.  Can you see your stuff?  Do they see your stuff?  That to me, is part of the beauty of monogamous, committed long term relationship, seeing the great and bad in each other accepting both, celebrating and affirming the great, addressing and working with the bad.
Shawn