The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants, Part 3

"she will you look at you and smile, and her eyes will say, she's got a secret garden, where everything you want, everything you need will always stay a million miles away"--Bruce Springsteen from the song "Secret Garden"

If you ever get the chance, you should listen the the song I quoted.  Very haunting sort of song.  I have always taken the song to mean as someone trying to love/connect with another but the other person won't let them in all the way to their heart.  In our last installment of 'the heart wants what the heart wants', I would like to throw this idea out there that for many people, their heart wants to be protected at all costs.  Even people who are really outgoing and proactive can hold back a lot of themselves.  Obviously, you don't want everyone to be that close.  But when you spend most of your energy trying to weed people out or protect your heart, it can become quite difficult to get yourself to "let down your guard" even if you want to. 

Every body's heart wants to be free from pain/rejection/betrayal/abandonment/disappointment.  It's that conflict of wanting love but very afraid to reach out to get it.  As one wise person from my past said to me, "if you want that piece of fruit, you got to go out on the limb to get it".  Depending upon your previous experiences or the temperament you were born with, self-protection is what your heart wants.  You put up barriers, boundaries(not necessarily a bad thing) and obstacles for anyone who attempts to reach your heart.  You have to control the when and where of any relationship and you decide the outcome. 

There are couple of ways to deal with people that help with the self-defense method of living.  Diversion(see any Hogan's Heroes episode) where you are someone else.  You play a part, wear a mask and adapt to the environment to create a character that is not you but socially acceptable.  Sometimes it really works to be really outgoing.  Sometimes it works better to sit back and not say much.  Either way, the real you gets lost in the shuffle.  The other method is isolation/disconnect where you limit interaction with people in general because when you are alone, no one is going to ask anything of you.  Disconnect is to be in a room of people and sit outside the action, trying to be low key. 

Of course these are bit extreme but I have run across many people like this and they have their reasons.  Unfortunately for them, making yourself vulnerable is the doorway to receiving love and to giving love.  So the tension persists of wanting love but very afraid to do anything about it because it is too risky.  Their heart wants guarantees, the sure thing, and above all else...safety.  They search for the perfect match but I would hope they would ask themselves at some point, is the perfect match truly perfect?  There are no guarantees in life but risks and hope. 

Shawn