The Broken Heart, Part 1

"But the plans I make still have you in them, then you come swimming into view, and I am hanging on your words like I always used to do...I only know this because I carry you around in the background"-Third Eye Blind from the song "Background"

This song takes me back to a time in my life where I was confronted by my own broken heart over the end of my first marriage.  I would listen to this song over and over along with another couple songs from this CD because someone was putting into words what I felt.  I think many of us have been there.  The broken heart is a tricky thing to deal with because of all the feelings it dredges up that overwhelm us.  In fact, being overwhelmed by emotion, feeling, circumstances or whatever, is a very uncomfortable place to be.  By nature, we don't like it, because it is that scary feeling of being out of control of how you feel and not being able to stop it through the usual tactics we use. 

Some of us will do anything to keep from feeling anything deeply.  We don't trust our feelings, we don't trust ourselves with what we do with all those overwhelming feelings.  Denial is a great tool for trying to convince yourself that nothing is wrong or it's no big deal.  Minimizing is a great tool to suck the deeper meanings and lessons to be learned from this experience.  Self medication has a large medicine cabinet with many socially acceptable options and many not socially acceptable options.  Nobody wants to feel pain, rejection, and for some humiliation(especially if you been cheated on) so we try to numb the brokenness. 

Others of us don't mind sharing our feelings with ANYBODY.   You know those uncomfortable social situations where you ask a person one question and they tell you way too much about their break up.  I would not say these people(myself included) are enjoying their broken hearted experience but they really seem to like talking about it.  In any one conversation(usually one way), you will hear statements of blaming the other person who left and personal responsibility, anger/forgiveness, hate/love, counter rejection/wanting them back, thus is the lot of the broken hearted, conflicted.  Unfortunately, the "sharers" as I will call them also are more overt in their attempts at numbing the pain. 

After all the other feelings comes self-doubt.  Am I lovable?  Do I have the ability to love someone?  Will I have another opportunity?  Do I want to risk to try again?  Self doubt is a crippler to growing out of a broken heart.  Doubt is a feeling/belief about oneself that no one outside of you(except God) can change.  Sure, people can speak into your life and help with your perspective(like this blog), but it's on you to choose.  Which leads me to the next blog post, part 2 will be about navigating the brokenness.

Shawn