"And this is our last time we will be friends again, I'll get over you, you'll wonder who I am, And there is this burning like there has always been, I've never been so alone and I've never been so alive"-Third Eye Blind "Motorcycle Driveby"
Like I mentioned in my previous post that I have been married before and it ended with me wondering what happened and not wanting it to end. As a result, my heart was broken and I had to deal with the overwhelming feelings that are associated with such an event. The above mentioned song helped me to feel some of the different aspects of a broken heart. There is a finality to the lyrics and yet, I read some hope, that I would "get over you". Not only that but a new feeling of being alive to the whatever the future brought stirred in me hope when everything felt hopeless. We are all different people, and we deal with hard things in our own way but I have a few tips that might help. What do you got to lose, when you feel like you lost everything, right?
Friends are key to helping you move through and and move on from a severed relationship. It can be as simple as just spending time somewhere else other than your half empty(in my case) or filled with memories home. Having somewhere to be can make you feel like you have a life even if it someone else's house. You don't even have to talk about "it". Sometimes your friends need to come get you. I have been there. You just don't know how to go about making plans so you need friends who are bold in inviting you to get out of your home. Nothing fancy, or super social, you can tell them. Just invite me somewhere. Obviously, friends are great to vent to, or process thoughts and feelings. I would only try to do this with your closest of friends face to face if possible. It is just better, trust me. Beware of the friends who completely agree with you all the time and tell you only what you want to hear. You don't need critics either but a little resistance to your emotional ideas will save you lots of grief and self respect.
Do stuff you like to do. One of my favorite things when I was single and had time to burn was hop in my car, get some snacks, and some carefully selected CD's and drive. Go somewhere for the day. Get outside, weather permitting, go see something in nature, the ocean, the mountains, whatever as long as it is far away. I am not outdoorsy, but even I have found tremendous value in nature. Stay away from drinking and "nightlife", it will only make things worse in the short and long term for you. If you can, travel. If you can, go visit someone you have not seen in a while. I found that spending time away from the routine helps. Working out is another helpful option, it helps with energy levels, and makes you feel good.
Being able to be alone. At some point, you are going to have to piece together the stuff you want to do, and the stuff you need to do without considering your significant other. This to me is the test of when you are ready to possibly move on. Everyone needs to practice being an total individual again. Remember, you are not used to having so much free time, or not used to not considering the schedule of another. If you are divorced, this is so key to regaining your individual identity. You need time to figure out what you like and don't like. Things have changed since you were first married and now your world is bigger and needs to be explored a little bit.
Warning signs for a broken heart are, can't stand to be alone, clinging to friends as if they are life rafts, drinking, drinking alone, drunk calling, rebound "relationships", staying at home and never going out, sending emotional emails or texts to your ex, spying on your ex, bugging people who know stuff about your ex...etc...
Everyone is different, the above suggestions are totally from my style of doing things so take that under consideration.
Shawn
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