The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants, Part 2

"Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough."-George Barnard Shaw 

 

I don't know about you, but I think that the heart wants what it wants right now.  Not later, not maybe, but now.  For those of us with anxious hearts(everybody), when it comes to desiring to be in a relationship, the time is usually now.  We have all been trained by advertising/capitalism/consumerism, that the time is now for you to get what you want.  That is what makes America great and not so great.  Unfortunately, now does not translate very well into gaining the type of relationships that we all deeply desire. 

 

I was never good at waiting.  Call it youngest child syndrome, call it impatient, call it what you will but I was never good at waiting for things to happen.  I was always more comfortable trying to make things happen.  In certain leadership functions that is a good thing.  In relationships, not always a good thing nor a good idea.  Moving too fast will get you into all sorts of trouble or really open you up for disappointment.  Like I have said before, initiate and WAIT for a response.  Us anxious people have a tough time waiting.  We would prefer to push.  If you are pushing a person who is more, let's say, deliberate with their thinking and feelings, you just might push them into dates, outings, and relationships that they are not too sure they want to do.  If you wait on responses and let time pass, regardless of what type of person you are dealing with, you will know what you got. 

 

Some of us are doers and some of us are processors.  Doers are quick to decide and even quicker to act.  Our actions often come before thinking deeply, and risks are accepted.  Processors take much more time to think, feel and act, if they act at all.  They may just get stuck processing and not do anything.  So you have an anxious doer/risk taker trying to have a relationship with a process oriented person and their heart is saying "let's weigh the pros and cons", while your heart is saying "let's do this thing, now"!  Now is always better than later(not really), but it feels that way to the anxious heart. 

 

Waiting allows for you to know the other person.  Waiting allows for you to let your feelings dissipate(perceived chemistry/magic/attraction).  Waiting allows you to think more about what you are doing.  Waiting allows for the other person to respond one way or the other.  Waiting, hopefully weeds out wrong motives for being in a relationship(desperation, insecurity, fear of being alone).  For divorced people, waiting can make a huge difference in your process of figuring out your life and feelings.  

 

Take it slow, it is better that way.

 

Shawn