“You see, I think negative emotions are always trumped by positive emotions.”--Leonardo DiCaprio From the Movie "Inception"
Nothing is more complicated than conflicted feelings. The above quote touches on the fact that we all have feelings that are hopeful/positive and others that are negative/hopeless. Some of us are very award of our feelings in general, others don't know where their feelings come from nor can they use a descriptive word to express them. No matter who you are, whether you are "in touch" with your feelings or not, we all come up against those moments of conflicted feelings.
Conflicted feelings, when encountered in deciding on pursuing a relationship, should be allowed to sort themselves out. Some people naturally react to conflicted feelings by holding back, withdrawing or waiting. Smart move unless you need more info to know if the person you are interested in is interested or even a good match. Some other people ignore or put aside the conflicted feelings(or even know they are there) and proceed as if everything is good. Not smart unless it turns out good. What causes conflicted feelings?
Being conflicted has to do with competing feelings of hope and concern. Feelings of wanting a relationship and feelings of not wanting a bad relationship. Conflict within yourself can also be seeing "red flags" but being afraid to address them with the other person in the fear that they will be hurt by it or they sense that something is wrong and they bail instead of you or maybe even worse, your worst fears realized that they have issues that just don't work for you and now you need to get out, which is hard to do well.
In an established relationship or marriage, conflicted feelings need to be give a little time to let things develop but then need to be addressed if they remain. No mutual relationship decision, whether it is financial, job related, lifestyle choice(are you uncomfortable with a frequent drinker?) or related to the physical side of the relationship should have one person constantly conflicted about it. Why? Because when conflicted most people hold back. Hold back their beliefs, their convictions, their dreams, their desires and worst of all their heart. I don't know about you, but if I am in an established relationship, I want someone to be all in and I want to discuss why they are not to see if we can work it out so that you have two whole hearted people loving each other.
Conflicted feelings will happen, how long they linger or how they affect the relationship is for you to work out. If you need someone to talk to about relational conflicted feelings...
Talk to Shawn @ www.coachingthrough.com
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