The Things We Think But Don't Say, Part 2

"And it's been awhile,Since I can say that I wasn't addicted, And it's been awhile, Since I can say I love myself as well, And it's been awhile, Since I've gone and f****** things up just like I always do, And it's been awhile,
But all that s*** seems to disappear when I'm with you"--"It's Been A While" by Staind from the CD "Break The Cycle"

The vibe from the lyrics to the Song "It's Been A While" has to do with something we often don't say but act out or feel but don't always express.  It has to do with the belief or the feeling that we as individuals are no good.  Once you buy into that belief system of "I can't do anything right", it is kind of an implosion feeding on itself.  Most often this thinking is seen in our relationships because relationships don't make things magically disappear but shine a big huge light on our self esteem. 

Self hate, self doubt,  and self consciousness are confidence killers.  Confidence(not arrogance, there is a difference), protects us from ourselves and others.  Being sure of who you are allows you to identify and act on mistreatment.  "I don't have to live like this", or "I don't have to take this from you or anyone else" can be good statements that allow us to call out mistreatment and abuse.  When you have self doubt, it is really hard to trust your feelings and act on anything.  If you feel you can't do anything right, then you will doubt most of your actions, especially those within a relationship.  Why act?  You will probably screw it up anyway, or so the line of thinking goes.

Self hate keeps the good things out because we cannot receive them.  That is why when someone who truly cares speaks into your life you can't believe what they say, nothings sticks.
Social skills teach us not to say, "I hate myself".  But when push comes to shove and we are in a confrontive situation, we will throw out the "I can't do anything right" defense.  It changes nothing.

Until you begin to believe in yourself in the sense of "I have a lot to offer", or "I am not perfect but I am valuable contributor", or the like, you should not be in any relationship.  You gotta get that fixed.  How?  If you are ready for change, and really want to take a good hard look inside, seek out a professional counselor.  If you are already married and feel like this all the time, then seek out a professional counselor.  Please note:  Professional counselors can only help as much as you are willing to be honest with yourself.  They are not magicians.

Shawn