Relationships are complicated because in a relationship you are dealing with a person, a human, someone just like you. Relationships have certain factors that create complications. These complications can be good or bad. Not all complications are bad. Sometimes, that is the most interesting part of being in a relationship, the complications can bring you closer together. More often than not, they can end the relationship. So here is my take on a few complications...
Seeking someone who is 'family' oriented. Usually means they come from a family that has not experienced divorce, could also mean that they spend lots of time with their family(parents & siblings), usually means constant contact, holidays and even vacations with the family. Now this becomes complicated when you want someone who is the same...family oriented. How could sameness/compatibility/shared values become complicated you might ask?
If you take two people who spend a lot of time and energy being in close relationship with parents, brothers and sisters will there be any time for just the two of you? Will there be time to spend with friends? Any newly married person will tell you that creating 'couples' relationships are tricky because if all four of you don't get along, that is complicated(another story for another time). Holidays, birthdays, illnesses, house/yard projects, vacation time, I ask which family will you spend which holiday with? Birthdays, if your family is used to getting a gift from you and now you don't have it in your budget or you want to spend more than your spouse thinks you need to spend...things are getting complicated fast!
What seemed on the surface as a nice shared value(which it is) and a reassuring feeling that your spouse or relationship partner feels the same as you do about family, has become a source of tension, conflict, frustration. Or could become those things if you don't learn to work together, become a team or have a vision for your relationship. Team work, vision and working together(communication) help create boundaries that help you and your spouse/partner navigate the family time options with minimal....complications.
If you would like help in sorting this kind of thing out...talk to Shawn, relationship coach @
http://coachingthrough.com check it out.
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