Commitment and the Future

"Yeah, I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter... I was raised to give up." --
George Constanza from the Episode "The Old Man" from the Seinfeld TV Show

Commitment is one of those words that has a varied meaning to each person.  Commitment can mean "I am committed to this until something better comes along".  Commitment can mean a time limit like "I'll give it 3 months, then decide".  Commitment can also mean "I am committed to this relationship if the other person is committed".  Still for others, commitment means really long term like "I am committed to this relationship until they get rid of me or one of us passes away".  My wife and I have a relationship motto which we joke with each other about but at the core, we agree upon is that regarding our being married to each other, "No one is leaving this alive".  You may think that is a bit creepy but we like it. 

Committing your heart, your person and really your future to another person is scary.  Why?  Because no one knows the future.  Look at your own life.  Ask yourself, what was going on 6 months ago? or a year ago in your life?  Did you envision your life being where it is at now?  With that kind of change, commitment to a relationship, especially a marriage is absolutely necessary because of the unknowns.  I want someone( and I do!) who will stick with me through life's ups and downs, twists and turns.  It just that initial choice to commit is so hard. 

I truly believe time in a relationship will certainly help in the commitment choice.  Patterns need to develop within a dating relationship to see what each of you are made of.  Talk is cheap.  Time reveals character and a person's methodology of dealing with changes, challenges and difficulties.  Also, it takes time for some people to figure out how they feel.  This time piece of letting others take time to feel about something is my greatest weakness.  I usually know how I feel or rush myself and not let myself figure out how I feel but I have this ridiculous expectation that other people will know how they feel about stuff on my time table.  Not wise. 

It is wise to have a plan for the future but realize that it might change.  As a seriously dating couple or a married couple you need a vision or plan.  Where is this going?  Having a plan or vision helps you to make choices while the future unfolds.  It also helps to work together as a team and it gives you something to discuss often to see if you both are on the same page.  Having a plan is an anchor in the storms of life.  It will not keep change and difficulty away but it is way better than having no plan. 

Committing your heart, body and soul to another person takes a bit of faith.  You can know a few things if you take the time to let the relationship flow to see patterns in yourself and in the other person.  I can help you sort out those patterns. 

Shawn
Talk to me shawn@coachingthrough.com or visit my website http://www.coachingthrough.com/