- Jerry, in "The Wife" from the TV Show Seinfeld
If you have read this blog at all, I often mention that I had been married before. Since I am married now with an anniversary coming up, started thinking about the relationship for long, long term. Not that I don't think about it at all but you just get caught up in the day to day, week to week existence and trying to wrangle a very active 2 year old. I am excited about the future because it is still quite an adventure this marriage(in a great way!) because no one really knows what is going to happen and I dig that. I love sharing my life, my journey with my wife and vice versa. We are in it together so I thought I would share some key elements as to why I am so optimistic about the future of my marriage...
Not listed in order of importance, just as they come to mind....
1. Raising our children(2nd one coming soon!). The parenting endeavor is an adventure all it's own and we find that it works best if we both parent as a team. This is our great mission, opportunity, dream whatever you want to call it to train, love, share, raise, impart values, prepare for life two people who will most likely be quite different from one another and pose various challenges. As a team with my wife, we get to talk about some of the most important things in life, and support each other in this effort to hopefully influence our children in a healthy, positive and loving way.
2. Laughing with and at each other. Losing the ability to enjoy one another is a bad sign, but when you can laugh together often and laugh at each other, that is the good stuff. Not taking yourself too seriously is key to long lasting relationships with ANYONE much less your spouse.
3. Having close same gender friends. Developing friendships where your friends can tell you "like it is" when you are being selfish and petty is huge. I am so thankful that I have a couple of close friends who can, who will, and who have called me out on my stuff. I really needed those type of relationships in the first marriage, I am not going to make that mistake again by not including others on what is going on in my marriage relationship.
4. Having a plan for finances, housing, retirement, and the calendar. If you are not talking about this stuff, these areas become breeding ground for uncertainty, resentment, and separation. There needs to be one plan, not two especially when it comes to the monthly budget. The budget is something we talk about often to keep each other informed of where we are at and expenditures when they happen. The calendar and being responsible for knowing what's on it, really cuts down on "surprises" in the schedule which can cause unrealistic expectations of what is going to happen when. Keeping these topics "on the table" generates more comfort in talking about them, so that it does not have to be a big emotional deal.
The above reasons are not all the reasons but some that I have blogged about and believe in. Anything to promote teamwork, taking two people and keeping them focused doing things together for the long haul. I am excited about what will happen next. Time will tell, it always does, but this time around I believe time will tell me..."you got something special going on here!"
Shawn
I am a Relationship Coach, check out my website and contact me, I can help! http://www.coachingthrough.com/
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