The Passive Single Man

Signs that the guy you may be interested in or the guy you are currently dating is a Passive Single Guy...

Talks a lot about himself, not in an arrogant manner but about all the things he does or has done
Struggles with making decisions, especially in setting up dates and outings(like going out to dinner)
Not willing to try something new(only likes to do things he is familiar with)
Too willing to try something new(probably hates it but won't say a word and just pretend to like it)
Has no close(intimate) friends
When you drop hints as to what you like, he never picks up on it(not tuned in)

Has great difficulty in sharing any depth of what he is feeling especially when it is bad feelings
Never or rarely challenges your treatment of him(more personal not schedule or event conflict)
Is a bad question asker(doesn't draw you out or asks then cuts you off) or doesn't ask a lot of questions

The last three characteristics mentioned above is a way to gauge a guy's ability to create intimacy.
Intimacy(not the sexual kind), is an elusive characteristic in most relationships.  Intimacy takes transparency, courage, responsibility, and initiative.  Creating intimacy means stepping outside yourself
and your agenda/comfort zone and focus your attention on someone.  "Learning Each Other" in a relationship takes giving, listening, sharing and time.  The key to intimacy is trust.  It is earned, practiced and developed over time.

We are not all "finished products" when we meet someone or when we get married.  There are, though, some key elements that are needed.  The Passive Single Man needs to be aware of his own challenges.  You see, the difference between a Passive Single Man and a Man is that a Man faces the challenges of lack of courage, or lack of knowledge of women.  A Man pursues that which he wants.  A Passive Single Man gets stuck in himself.  His awareness is low, his willingness to be open to change is low or non-existent.  He does not want to leave his world because it is easy and safe.  There is no way the Passive Single Man will experience relational intimacy, just a sharing of facts and events.

The Passive Single Man lives in a world of his own creation.  Technology toys capture his attention like shiny objects to toddlers.  Physical expressions like rock climbing, biking, playing sports or just being outdoors getting sweaty can take up lots of time.  Building stuff, fixing cars or whatever occupy his mind.  Creating art, playing music or mastering an instrument absorbs his energy and focus.  None of these are bad but they do get in the way of making time for relationships.

To step out of his world, is to step into the unknown.  More often than not, the Passive Single Man will try to recreate his world in the New World.  He talks about what interests him.  He looks for a woman who will do this stuff with him.   Since he doesn't feel confident or comfortable, he doesn't take risks.  He goes with what he knows which unfortunately for him, most women do not find interesting.  The New World(the one with women in it who want intimacy), can be a threat to his world so why go there anyway if I can't get to do what I like?

Making mistakes and rejection are part of learning to relate to people and most of all women.  It is all trial and error and that is ok.  If you don't try, you don't learn.  The question for the Passive Single Man is...
how bad do you want to experience love/intimacy and friendship for a lifetime?  The proof is your willingness to set aside your safe world for your chance at Love.

Talk to me, I am a Relationship Coach who can help individuals and couples(married or dating) with their Relationships!  Contact me at shawn@coachingthrough.com or check out my website www.coachingthrough.com

Shawn