- Jerry, to George, in "The Parking Garage"
The fear of failure is common to all. For some of us, it is motivational, we accomplish things in life because we are driven by fear. We work hard because we fear we will lose our jobs. We do our school work(well, some us) because we fear not getting into college which means we may not be able to earn a living. We follow laws because we fear going to jail. We perform in relationships so that we don't lose the relationship we are in because we are afraid of being alone. You get the idea. But when you are unmarried, overcoming the fear of rejection or overcoming the possibility of personal failure in attracting another person is just too much to risk. Risk is a part of life. Being unwilling to risk your heart in any relationship is problematic to relating and to being fulfilled.
I was trying to encourage a friend to not spend so much time at home, to encourage them to get out, make plans, be around people. Their response was "it's safer to stay here"(at home alone). Obviously, that was a statement of a person who was afraid to be hurt. No one likes to be hurt. No one likes to put their heart out there and ask, "do you like me?" only have the answer be "No". If that is your history, I am sorry. Maybe for you, getting past the hurt of the past is just too hard. If you think this is you, then I suggest talking to someone, a professional counselor. They can help you get past your past.
For those who are ready to take a step of "faith" in placing themselves in social situations where you could possibily meet someone and cultivate a long term(marriage) relationship, then I have some ideas for ya...
Networking
At some point you need to talk to someone, preferedly a friend or two, whom you trust are sympathetic to your situation and feelings in your attempts to meet a lifelong partner. If you can't be open to chatting with a friend, then you are stuck before you start. Remember, this is a step of faith. No one said it would be easy. If you have a friend or two who are open to help you, start thinking about who they know that might be of interest to you.
Cultivating Your Own Opportunities
If you have a few friends who are unmarried, then start planning dinners, and get togethers with them and invite other unmarried people that they may know. If you can plan a once a month thing, and people start coming, it just adds to the possibilities of meeting someone special. It beats sitting at home or just hanging out with the same friend or two.l
Set ups
Being open to being set up is hard. Some will be ok and some will be bad. Again, it really depends upon who your friends are. If they "get you" then the set ups have hope. If it is the well meaning friend but they put no thought into it then it can be awkward.
Online Dating
Online dating or meeting people has lots of expectations but a lot of loopholes and misinformation. It can be a helpful tool if you can not get too amped up over someone emailing you and learn how to sift through the misinformation. In this day and age, it is hard to meet people, and meeting people online is becoming more "normal" and offers many possibilities. Be careful not to believe everything you see or read. No really!
Networking and Creating your own events are probably the least painful way to "step out". The key is stepping out. Are you open enough to really talk about your "methods" and previous experiences in dating and meeting people? Another way to help you is by hiring a Relationship Coach like me. Relationship Coaches help you focus your efforts in way that suits you. We are the outside, 3rd party who can provide perspective, and provoke new ideas of how to go about this thing. Check out my website http://www.coachingthrough.com/ and contact me. It cost nothing to just talk at least once. What do you have to lose?
Shawn
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