"A lot of times, women don't get the male perspective in regards to a relationship, what men go through when they're not really dealing well. "---Morris Chestnut
When we think of the word, Isolation, we can often think to extremes like Tom Hanks in "Castaway". Quite literally alone, cut off, against his will from people, from those he cares about. Yet we all know that isolation occurs quite often in families, marriages, and other social situations. You don't have to be the Unabomber, living in some cabin somewhere to be isolated, nor stranded. For many people, especially men, they are isolated by choice. For others, they are isolated by a season of life or circumstances though it tends to run on and on. Either way, neither are isolated against their will at least not for very long.
When we think of the word, Isolation, we can often think to extremes like Tom Hanks in "Castaway". Quite literally alone, cut off, against his will from people, from those he cares about. Yet we all know that isolation occurs quite often in families, marriages, and other social situations. You don't have to be the Unabomber, living in some cabin somewhere to be isolated, nor stranded. For many people, especially men, they are isolated by choice. For others, they are isolated by a season of life or circumstances though it tends to run on and on. Either way, neither are isolated against their will at least not for very long.
The Passive Man often lives in isolation even if he has friends, family, a spouse, and children. How is that possible? You can totally be in the same room observing or even somewhat participating without being all there. How does that work? From the previous post, you are a manager. You manage your spouse or girlfriend in a way where there is no real intimacy just pretend because you feel like what you have to say will cause a problem. Once you go down the path of managing, it is hard to turn it off in other situations and relationships. It is easier to avoid possible problems(conflict) by pretending but over time it eats you up.
At the core of the Passive Man is a crisis of confidence. Nothing drives men from social situations than previous failures. The tension of risking rejection and wanting a intimate(not just sexual but transparent) relationship is quite real. It doesn't even have to be a social failure it can be a professional failure(real or imagined) that can drive man into passivity. That caused my isolation as a younger man as I felt I had failed but could not process that with my then wife. I could have shared that with a couple of closer guy friends but I didn't because I felt so lousy, I really didn't want to talk about it. So I hid. And pretended. And managed.
Part of the trick to building more self confidence is gaining genuine affirmation from others. Yes, men need affirmation! Affirmation has the power to change a way a person thinks about themselves when it is delivered at the right time, about the right thing by the right person(s). Everybody needs reassurance that they are on the right track or that they are valuable contributors, or that they are just doing something good.
There can be no affirmation if you don't try. There can be no affirmation without risk. There can be no affirmation without transparency. And there can be no affirmation if you live in isolation.
Talk to me, I am a Relationship Coach, I can help because I have been there! Contact me at shawn@coachingthrough.com or visit my website http://www.coachingthrough.com/.
Shawn
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