"A person always makes time for that which is important...to them"--Unknown
Being productive, being busy, having a lot going on, having a full calendar or being a multi-tasker, can be addictive. The feeling some people get at "accomplishing" many things in a given day, week or whenever can fill them up...to a point. Sure, there are times in a year, or in life when certain things have to put on hold for some or few all-consuming events, like school, wedding prep, work, personal illness, family drama, job searches and the like. Events and situations that come up and have to be handled that distract us from other things that we believe are not as important. We all make choices of that which is important even if we don't believe or feel we in control of the situation we are in.
There are people who are too busy for relationships. They have their reasons, which can be good reasons, and they can be self-destructive reasons. Establishing one's self in a career can be time consuming whether it is putting in extra time at work to "get ahead" or in training like school, licensing, student teaching, internships etc... But all of this is temporary, it is not meant to go on and on. It is a season of life. When a season becomes a lifestyle then you just might miss out on some really important stuff. Turning on the "busy switch" is easy. Turning off the "busy switch" is a bit murky. You know the saying, "I was climbing the ladder of success only to find that it was leaning up against the wrong wall".
Another way we can find ourselves too busy for relationships is that we can't say no. Especially when our family or friends keep asking things of us it makes it hard to say no because we really care and love these people. Or even if our work keeps putting pressure on us by asking more or if we work in an competitive environment, we are afraid of saying no. We lose perspective on what we need when we can't say no to events, helping/service or work because we all need time to process. We lose 5, 6, 7 years and wonder hey, I need a social life!
Still another way to fill our schedule is trying to juggle too many relationships. It seems strange, but it is true. The guilt/obligation/resentment cycle that keeps certain "friendships" going for years when their probably not much friendship left in it. It is also hard to let go and move on from people who move out of your life. Through no fault of anyone, people get married, or have job opportunities or whatever that takes them out and instead of letting them go, we try to maintain a type of relationship that is distant but becomes time consuming. Maybe you are type of person who has so many friends that there are invites galore and they are all fun so to appease your friends you do as many as you can. Exhausting!
In our world today it is harder and harder to meet someone face to face. It takes a lot of energy, courage, creativity and INTENTION to make that happen. If you are interested in being married some day, the longer you let time go by being busy, the less opportunities you will have as those you are connected with get married, or move away. I am not being an alarmist here. After college, the pool of prospects gets smaller just because people change. So it takes a lot of intent, you know, you gotta try probably more than you thought you would ever need to meet people. You are not desperate, you are focused. There is a difference. Focus is about knowing what you want and creating opportunities to get to know people to see if they match. Desperate will take anything and will justify any potential relationship as real and hopeful when it is not or is unhealthy.
The true test of what a person values is how they spend their time. If they say they want a life long relationship but are not willing to "make the time" or are waiting for it to just happen, then they are not that serious. As a Relationship Coach I can help you get focused on getting out there and potentially meeting someone you can share the rest of your life with. Visit my website http://www.coachingthrough.com/ or contact me via email at shawn@coachingthrough.com for a free consultation, what do got to lose?
Shawn
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