Meaning, the ever elusive understanding between two people Part 2

“Life’s better with company.  Everybody needs a co-pilot.”-George Clooney From the Movie "Up in the Air"

 

Being in a relationship requires some definition.  I didn't say that it had to be all spelled out.  The "what are we?" question begs an answer that defines or narrows the focus of why two people spend time together.  Usually one of the two people involved thinks this but has no complete answer until it is brought up.  What it means to be "in relationship", "seeing someone", "dating", "together" has different meanings to the two people involved. 

 

Basic definition that I am working off here is that 1. this is an exclusive relationship(no seeing someone else in the same manner  2.  that there has been some discussion between the two parties that they are mutually interested in pursuing this relationship.  Man, that sounds like a pre-nup agreement!  Anyway...

The tricky meaning to things really begins.  Let's look at a few features of tricky meanings... Fights/disagreements, Time Management, and Family. 

 

Fights/disagreements are inevitable of course but how they are seen or talked about can be radically different for the two people involved.  One person is more expressive and used to talking about their feelings, maybe oblivious to the fact that they share how they feel, all the time.  The other person is not as expressive and is not as comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings so they don't say much.  One person sees a situation as a fight/confrontation the other sees the same situation as just another conversation.  One person is in their comfort zone of expressing themselves while the other would rather do anything else but express negative feelings(or what they think are negative feelings).

 

Time Management or how time is spent can be defined quite differently too in a relationship.  Some of us pack in as much stuff in a short amount of time, whether it is social, work, or projects around the house.  Some others of us are more deliberate and like events, work, projects spaced out with "down time" in between. (down time is having no obligations and having the time to do nothing)  So a normal weekend schedule of Friday-Dinner & a Movie out, Saturday-Gym time 8am, facebook time10am to noon, Lunch out noon to 2pm, run errands 2pm to 5pm, Dinner at Friends house 6pm to 10pm, and a movie or tv 10pm to 1amish is just another weekend but now you get to do this with your boyfriend/girlfriend.  This person is engerized by this schedule while other person is exhausted because it is way different than what they are used to.  The word time, means to one person what are we doing next, while to the other person, time means no activities planned.

 

Family is by far the most tricky aspect of relationships and the idea of what a family looks like is so multi-faceted.  One person in the relationship spends lots of time with family/parents/sibilings and wants to share that with their significant other.  While the other person may see family as negative eventhough it is not their family and not all families are negative experiences.  The idea of "spending time with the family" can be a real drain to some. 

 

So Fights, time, and family are words with various viewpoints and definitions.  Each viewpoint is valid because each person has their own experiences that make them who they are.  So if you are in a relationship, take the time to "unpack" words and phrases and try to see what they mean to the other person.   Understanding the person you are with can be elusive!