Finding Your "Voice" in a Relationship Part 1

I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I'm being used
That's okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I've got no self esteem

-The Offspring, From their Song "Self-Esteem"

 

The above lyrics are a bit extreme but being able to effectively communicate what you don't like in a relationship is not easy for everyone.  I call it finding your "Voice".  Your voice is bringing up things that

you feel are important to YOU.  Your voice is finding a way to initiate a conversation about things the other

person in the relationship is doing that bother you.  Most people err on the side of  letting a lot of things go more than bring things up that cause concern.  Like anything, finding the balance between "voicing" and letting things go is developed over time.  Let's look how this voice thing can be developed...

 

 For example:  Let's say you really enjoy the outdoors and hiking but the person you are with(in relationship/dating/etc..) sorta likes it but not as much as you do.  So whenever you suggest going on a day hike somewhere their response is either...they try to put this event off, or have a bad attitude about it if they do go...everytime.  They have never initiated a hike of any sort even though they know you like hiking and they know it is a big part of who you are.  Your decision is asking yourself, "how big of a deal is this to me?" This is where most of us let it slide because who wants "drama" in their lives?  Or maybe we don't know that much about ourselves to truly know who we are?  That can certainly confuse the situation and make you not bring up much of anything.  Having or making of list of qualities in a person you want to be with for long term relationships(eventual marriage) is vital to keep you grounded.  Is hiking or not going hiking a deal breaker?  For some people it is.  For some people it isn't.  But if hiking is really important to you then you should address it with your relationship partner.  Telling people what you like and don't like, what you need and don't need isn't easy.  It makes us feel weird, selfish or worse...needy.

 

The are hundreds of activities and issues that probably need addressing but don't expect the other person to read your mind, give them a chance to care for you by being upfront with them about a few things.  If there is constantly no response, or worse, they get snippy with you, then you may need to reconsider the relationship.  That's my opinion, just sayin'.

 

Shawn